Retrofitting Vintage

Five Things Not to Do in Vintage Underwear

No pictures today, because I’ve been forgetting to have my official photographer take my picture when I get home. Also, it’s dark when I get home, which makes for lousy pictures. Living on the eastern edge of the central time zone means that Daylight Savings knocks us flat in November. “Whhhhhhhhy is it sooooooo dark?” we, the people of Chicago, collectively wail.

Anyhow, I’ve been active and wearing my underpinnings since last we updated, and I have compiled the following list of ten things not to do in vintage underwear.

1. Don’t attend a football game in a girdle.  I wore my light, hardly at all compressing one, and a long line bra, and it was okay. At first, I was going to wear much tighter foundations, and then I thought about sitting in bleachers and came to my senses. On the plus side, I was probably much warmer than people who didn’t cover their cores so effectively.

2. Don’t wear stocking with garters to an audition when you’re doing a monologue you usually perform while sitting slouchily. (On the other hand, perhaps I increased my air of mystery with my garter flashing.)

3. Don’t make out with someone while wearing a girdle. It’s mean to try to make another person take it off.  Take it off yourself. Also, you might make a slight popping noise when it’s removed, much like a Pillsbury canned biscuit, which could kill the mood.

4. Running is just out. Don’t even.

5. I haven’t tried it, but I imagine cartwheels wouldn’t go well.

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